It’s been embarrassingly long since we last spoke.

They tell you never to start a blog post that way. It’s unprofessional.

I don’t care. This whole Smash Cake deal is about sincerity, honesty, and clarity. Screw professionalism. This is what needs to be said.

In November, I told you that contributor information was coming soon. I want to tell you that again, but as I said in the first line, it’s humiliating to have to.

SCM should have long been published by now.

In our defense, we’ve been working like mad dogs on a myriad of things behind the scenes that you guys don’t see, including developing two new websites (Smash Cake Press, our book publishing arm, and Writing for Your Supper, our newbie-writer advice site), full-length book editing, tons of personal freelancing to help pay the big bad bills, and approval for a modest Kickstarter campaign proposal (yay!) that’s yet to be announced.

Why is it “yet to be announced” instead of running as we speak?

Because I owe you guys a magazine. Several of you, I even owe query responses and submission decisions.

We’ve had the Kickstarter approval in hand for weeks, but I couldn’t begin that without finishing this issue. It didn’t feel right. It doesn’t. This has to get done first.

It’s been a rough road, and we’ve learned a lot of things along the way.

Among them:

• If you’re going to start a literary magazine and you can tell people that with passion, be ready for a deluge. Writers will respond in kind more than you could possibly expect and will send you more submissions than you could have dreamed. Be ready.

• Do not, ever, EVER, get behind in emails. It’s next to impossible to catch up without tons of apologies. Especially when those apologies are warranted and writers have been waiting for weeks or months.

• Creating a literary magazine is not creating a book. (I’ve done that more than a hundred times. Literally.) A literary magazine does not just require layout and print runs; it takes high levels of marketing, sales, email time, contract handling, proof generation, and organization. If you’re going to do all that single-handedly, don’t be stupidly ambitious and give a print date within the same timeframe in which you could handle a book. You can’t.

• Writers (most of them, anyway) are incredibly patient and increasingly kind. (No, I’m not ass-kissing. I mean it.) You guys have day jobs just like I do, and even though I’ve taken insanely long in getting this stuff put together (and it IS awesome stuff; I swear to God. I can’t wait to show you), only a handful of you have told me off. And I can understand the ones who have; there are folks with submission wait times so long I can’t even make myself write the details. Please, please know that I do not take your blood and sweat for granted, and that the delays are a result of the learning curve and the litany of real-life hurdles I mentioned in the fall.  Neither of those is a worthy excuse, and they’re not offered as such. They’re just an explanation, and a promise that the ridiculous wait times will not happen again.

• If you screw up, admit it. Guys, I have. I bit off more than I could chew as soon as Fall 2010, and have been racing out-of-breath to catch up instead of admitting that I’ve lagged.

• If you’ve screwed up and have admitted it, make it right. In finishing this issue, several folks have written me to ask a concrete print date. Obviously, we’ve missed the one I first intended, which was two months ago. Here’s what’s going to happen: we are going to publish a double issue at the single-issue price. We have had an overwhelming, astoundingly excellent stream of material coming in, and so far, we’ve only accepted one out of every twenty or thirty pieces we’ve read.  We’re not done reading yet, but instead of selling you what was supposed to be the fall issue and saving the spring-intended issue material for the next go-round, we’re going to put it all into one huge volume and give it to you at the regular, thin-copy price. If there’s extra shipping because of the added weight, we’ll pick it up. We’re not going to raise the prices, either on the issue or on the $5 shipping cost.  Pre-orders will stay at $8 until we actually go to press, and thereafter the magazine will stay at the $13 per copy price we decided on last year from the get-go.  You’ll just get more material. We will not ask for a single additional dime.

• Communication is key. People don’t mind waiting. Waiting happens. Leaving folks hanging without explanation, though, is completely unacceptable. Going forward, we will be posting here much more frequently to keep you in the loop; you won’t have to wonder when we’ve answered all the submissions or what the complete list of contributors looks like. You’ll know as soon as we do from now on.

• If you’ve erred, figure out a way to do better. Don’t err the same way twice. We are looking at better solutions for keeping the future submission flow moving, including Submishmash, extra slush readers, more strictly committed scheduling, and immediate response times for contributors to the next issue. We WILL improve. There is no alternative. Period. You guys mean too much to us, and have been incredibly forgiving, supportive, and gracious. We will not have these problems again. We will not allow them.

• Don’t waffle. Wafflers suck. Therefore, we are announcing today that the double issue of SCM is heading to print on Tuesday, March 1, 2011. By that date, all submissions, layout, proofs, rights, and production issues will be handled, and you guys will have your pretty little copies enroute.

After that, we’ll honor and keep the faith you’ve given us. Thank you so much, so much, for your patience, and hold us to these promises. We mean them with every fiber.

When a family member started nursing school earlier this year, he was told of the nursing school curse. His instructor stood before the class, day one, and announced, “If anything is ever going to go wrong in your life, this is the year it will happen.”

Apparently, that goes for starting a litmag, too.

Aside from deaths (yes, plural) in our family, car difficulties (two permanently-defunct vehicles in one week, no kidding), and day job fluctuations galore, the main thing hampering our progress through the month of August has been a massive computer malfunction.

Not long after our last blog post, the computer from which we run Smash Cake went bonkers. Thanks, rootkits, corrupted recovery data, and goofy, conflicting Windows updates. Much appreciated.

We do keep backups, though, and had everything saved down externally. Thank God.

Nothing has been lost.

We’ve been on hold while the computer was physically away at the repair shop, and now for the last week as we’ve gone in and one-by-one repopulated it with the programs by which we organize our data, emails, and layout.

The good news is that our little electronic baby has now been resuscitated back from the dead. I’ve been able to keep up with some of the social sites through the use of someone else’s computer, but the one containing all of the SCM emails and submissions so far has been non-functioning until this Monday.

As in yesterday.

We’ve JUST gotten it all fixed, and I’m working hours into the night to play catch-up and answer all of you fine folks to whom I need to reply.

Thanks for your patience, your support, and your messages—you’ll get responses very soon! Please give us a week or two to trudge through the status queries and purchase orders. There are many, and we are few.

We’ll issue an announcement through the blog when we hit Inbox Zero so that you’ll know for sure that we’ve answered everything that came through correctly on our end. That’ll be the time to worry about missing emails and/or resend, if necessary.

We have some exciting things coming up, including early contributor announcements, special offers, a Kickstarter campaign, and more.

Stay tuned—we love you guys!

It’s been many months since we first started chatting, you and I, about Smash Cake Magazine.

We’re happy to be able finally to give you a first glance at what we’re working on every night until four in the morning and dreaming about when we do get to sleep. This is what it’s all about.

The artwork on our cover is a piece by the phenomenal Jasmine Worth, many of whose pieces make me want to write whole novels myself.

If you’ve pre-ordered already or you’re going to today (hint, hint!), this is what you will get:

And yes, it’s perfectly square. We have a few other stylistic surprises coming your way on the interior pages, and are building an incredible list of contributors you’ll recognize. (That’ll be announced later on, but you’ll be amazed by it, I promise. We are.)

Even our advertisements are looking pretty cool. Several of our select ad pages have already been filled; if you’d like one of those for your own book, magazine, or writing-related services, talk to us here and we’ll make it happen.

It’s coming together, ladies and gents, and this ride is only getting better. Thanks for all your support! We couldn’t do a thing without you. Honestly.